There’s Puke in My Purse, and I’ll Cry If I Want to

Friday, Oct. 25, at 10:14 p.m.: An Isla Vista Foot Patrol officer patrolling the 6500 block of Trigo Road observed a cluster of people surrounding a crying 19-year-old woman in Little Acorn Park.

When officers asked Betty Boohoo if she was all right she replied, “I’m okay. I just had my heart broken and I’m really sad.” The officer noted that her sobbing gasps were punctuated with the distinct odor of alcohol. Her sense of balance also reflected an inebriated state. When officers asked Miss Boohoo to empty the contents of her purse, her support group slowly began to back away, apparently sensing that her night of sorrow had not yet ended. She was carrying false identification.

The officer also found a white plastic bag among the contents of the woman’s purse. It contained vomit. She explained that she had vomited, but only once.

Miss Boohoo was arrested for public intoxication and having a bogus ID. “But I haven’t even been drinking,” she said, shortly before she vomited all over the inside of the transport van that was taking her to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where she really had something to cry about.


Friday, Oct. 25, at 10:34 p.m.: While patrolling around the beach access stairs near Camino del Sur, an IVFP officer overheard men’s voices and the sound of puking coming from some bushes.

Wisely noting that bushes neither talk nor puke, the officer approached the source of the noise. He found two men kneeling around a third, who was lying on his side. He was dirty, he had grass in his mouth, and he appeared to be intoxicated.

The 18-year-old man admitted to downing a Cisco, a type of wine. His friends said they were taking him back to the dorms, but the officer had other plans.

The man was arrested for being drunk in public and taken to Santa Barbara County Jail. The man told officers he “didn’t need this problem” and that he had been arrested two weeks earlier for driving under the influence.

But sometimes, friend, we make our own problems.

Isla Vista, One; Bakersfield, Zero

Friday, Oct. 25, at 11:05 p.m.: An IVFP officer noticed an 18-year-old woman being carried by two young men on the 6600 block of Del Playa Drive.

The officer separated the three individuals for questioning. The woman explained that the men accompanying her were her friends from the fine town of Bakersfield. As she spoke, officers noted the smell of alcohol, her inability to stand up without leaning on a nearby car and her dirty pants.

Upon being asked how she soiled her pants, the woman said shamefully she had fallen. “You’re not going to tell my parents that I fell in my pants, are you?” she asked. Clearly, she didn’t realize larger problems were looming.

The woman was arrested for public drunkenness. As officers loaded her into her ride to Santa Barbara County Jail, she praised the very environment that caused her sorry state.

“Santa Barbara is much nicer than Bakersfield,” she said. Then she threw up and nearly fell out of the van, having to be caught by an officer. Very nice, indeed.

I Hear You Knocking, But You Can’t Come In

Friday, Oct. 25, at 2:32 a.m.: Upon receiving a report of a suspicious person in the parking lot, IVFP officers arrived at the 800 block of Embarcadero del Mar. There they observed a 20-year-old man attempting to enter an apartment by jiggling the knob on a locked door. An officer observed the man “swaying severely” as the man persisted in a futile attempt at tricking the locked door into opening.

When officers approached the man, they noted the usual symptoms of drunkenness, otherwise known as, “that I.V. charm.” The man explained to them his friends were inside the house. When one of the officers asked a neighbor if he recognized Tipsy McDoorknobswinger, however, the neighbor told the officer that the inhabitants of the locked residence “would not be associated” with that kind of person.

Although friends called the man’s cell phone and explained they were actually waiting for him at a party on the 6500 block of Del Playa Drive, Mr. McDoorknobswinger was now expected at a swinging shindig of sobriety at the Santa Barbara County Jail.

-Compiled by Drew Mackie from the Isla Vista Foot Patrol reports