Weather-update: I have discovered the purpose behind the ill-placed muff-thumping, sack-attacking turnstiles in the library.

If one were to, say, run through the metal detector with an unscanned book, the bar would lock, delivering an incapacitating shot to the solar plexus and/or groin, depending on one’s height and gender.

Do not ask me how I know this.

Friday’s forecast: Easy classes followed by painful lessons.