Scientists recently announced the development of Radio-Controlled Rats(tm)(c)(r), rats with electrodes in their brains that can be made to perform different tasks. While the Pentagon has begun to ponder the military applications, I have already started the marketing campaign. I’ve bought a solid block of advertising during Nickelodeon primetime (2:30 p.m. to 6 p.m.) and ordered 1 million units. “RoboRat, your fuzzy RC friend! Now plague-free!”

Friday’s Forecast: I’ve already taken a bath because of the packaging department. Next time the boxes get airholes.