As I sat on my couch and knocked back another beer, I realized that I would never compete in the two-man luge.
Thursday’s Forecast: The Canadians got a medal for bitching – that I could win.
Golden Whining
Featured Comic
Please Don’t Try to Bike Over the Hump Pls
Labyrinth: Grades Search
Aries
March 21 - April 19
Chronically single
Taurus
April 20 - May 20
“Casual” by Chappell Roan
Gemini
May 21 - June 20
“Atmosphere” by FISHER
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
The entire shared playlist with their ex
Leo
July 23 - August 22
“Je te laisserai des mots” by Patrick Watson
Virgo
August 23 - September 22
“If Only” by The Marías
Libra
September 23 - October 22
Their ex’s old voice memos
Scorpio
October 23 - November 21
White noise
Sagittarius
November 22 - December 21
“ceilings” by Lizzy McAlpine
Capricorn
December 22 - January 19
“Marvins Room” by Drake
Aquarius
January 20 - February 18
“KLOusFRENS” by Bad Bunny
Pisces
February 19 - March 20
“Somebody Else” by The 1975
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