OSAMA BIN LADAN

It’s only fair to include both sides of the war, and Osama is equally dedicated to ridding the world of evildoers and using explosives.

ARIEL SHARON

The Israeli prime minister has always been an advocate of peace through force, just ask him. He says he advocated killing Yasser Arafat years ago.

VLADIMIR PUTIN

Former KGB-chief Vlad the Pale-er has been fighting terrorists for years in Chechnya and is closing down hostile media outlets.

SLOBODAN MILOSEVIC

Sure he’s in jail for war crimes, but Stockholm has overlooked for too long the Serbian strongman’s vision of a peaceful, mono-ethnic Yugoslavia.

GERALDO RIVERA

Always seeking out peace, he claimed to broadcast from the site of a bomb that killed three American soldiers. Geraldo was hundreds of miles away.

MORNING-AFTER PILL

While not a person or an organization, this little pill can make a fine contribution to world peace if new versions of these jerks aren’t born.

CHARLES TAYLOR

The president of Liberia, Chuckles renounced his warlord past, got elected president and tried to pacify neighboring Sierra Leone with his army.

D. SASSOU-NGUESSO

The Congolese thug headed a one-party Marxist state for 13 years, overthrew an elected government and is now running for president after a civil war.

RICHARDS SKINNER

The McDonald’s CEO ought to be recognized for pacifying the world with 99-cent burgers and for making Olympic athletes too fat to compete.

FRANCE

Arguably, no nation has done more to contribute to world peace than one that’s been the joke of every war since Napoleon.

PHILLIP RUDDOCK

Australia’s immigration minister gets the nod for keeping refugees in camps and ignoring a hunger strike in which children sewed their lips shut.

A.S. LEGISLATIVE COUNCIL

Leggies have passed position papers in favor of world peace and every hour they squabble in committee is time when they’re not provoking real people.