Kraft Boy Can’t Hold It or Hack It

At approximately 12:20 a.m. on Sunday, Jan. 27, Isla Vista Foot Patrol officers patrolling the 6600 block of Del Playa Dr. observed an 18-year old male subject urinating on the wall.

The officer said he observed a solid stream of urine emitting from the suspect’s penis. The officers illuminated the suspect with a flashlight, which caused the suspect to zip up his pants before he was finished urinating. When the suspect turned around, the officers noticed a wet spot on the front of the suspect’s pants.

The officers asked the suspect for his identification, but he said he did not have any. The officers asked the suspect if they could search him and asked him what was in his pockets. The officers pulled out three packages of “Cheesy Mac.” Officers also found a marijuana pipe, whereupon the suspect began running. However, he ran into two other officers who tackled the subject and took him into custody.

While in custody the suspect said, “I’m sorry I ran. I know it was stupid, but if my parents find out that I got into trouble, they’d pull me out of the UC System — and I don’t think I could hack that.”

The suspect was arrested for resisting arrest and was transported to Santa Barbara County Jail.

Them Sound Like Fightin’ Words

At approximately 1:21 a.m. on Sunday, Jan. 27, IVFP officers patrolling the 6600 block of Del Playa Dr. told an 18-year old male who was involved in a fight to leave the area. He walked away stumbling so officers arrested the suspect for public intoxication. He was acting belligerent and at one point asked officers, “Yo! You wanna throw down?” and said, “Dude, step. Step up.”

The suspect was transported to Santa Barbara County Jail where he was housed, pending sobriety.

Your Mom

At approximately 11:25 p.m. on Friday, Jan. 25, two IVFP deputies standing in front of a house on the 6600 block of Del Playa Dr. saw a male subject running into a dark open space adjacent to an apartment complex.

When deputies walked toward the suspect, a 19-year-old male, they observed “a fluid coming from between his legs onto a fence.” The suspect pulled up his pants and turned to face the officers with his hands on the crotch area of his pants.

Officers asked the suspect for his identification and to sit down. He refused to sit down until they told him a second time. Before the deputies told the suspect why he was contacted, he began yelling, “You can’t do this to me! Don’t do this to me! I’m not pissing in public! I went out of my way to get away from everyone! I’m not in public!”

The suspect’s statements confirmed the officers’ suspicions that he had been urinating in public, so they began to write him a ticket. The suspect became “extremely irate,” pounding on the rail of the fence and then jumping up from the ground.

According to reports, the officers put their hands on the suspect’s shoulders and yelled at him to sit down. When the suspect would not comply, he was handcuffed. The suspect began yelling that he was going to sue them.

Before he was transported to the Foot Patrol station, officers told him at least three times that he was under arrest for urinating in public. The suspect then “changed his story” and said he wasn’t urinating. While in the interview room at the station, he continued his “uncooperative behavior” and tried to slip his handcuffs under his legs. The suspect continued to ask why he had been arrested.

The suspect was booked for urinating in public.

—Compiled by Marisa Lagos and Ladan Moeenziai