Since the abduction of El Canario, I have obtained a new weathercycle. It is approximately 9 feet long, red and weighs about as much as a 1972 Volkswagon Beetle. The gear shift is busted so I have inadvertently been exercising. Every trip to campus feels like I am trailing a model home without wheels.

By the end of the quarter I’ll have thighs so strong I’ll be able to ninja-up and break a man’s neck like one of James Bond’s more eccentric villains.

Tuesday’s Forecast: Wa who ha Waaaaa

Correction: An article Thursday should have said the A.S. Base Fee proposal received 60 percent of the student vote last Spring. The Nexus regrets this error.