I was wrong.
Picking the Minnesota Timberwolves to win the NBA championship was rash. Most of you reading this do not know who Doug West is, but he is the quintessential NBA swingman. He is the man who made me a Wolves fan, and he is largely ignored to this day.
For some reason, West and the Wolves meant something to me, and now even he is gone, but his presence and 19.3 points a game in the ’92-93 season still stand out in my mind.
The Spurs. Choir Boys with long arms and long legs. Molasses can beat Spurs forward Samaki Walker in a race. Mr. Rogers has less etiquette than Mr. Robinson. A rubber duck has more personality than the inelastic Tim Duncan. This team can only win in a shortened season.
The Sixers haven’t let me down yet. Center Dikembe Mutombo is beautiful – he convinced me that he is the preeminent defensive pinnacle in the NBA. My parents met Mutombo in a sports shop in Rockville, Maryland: They said he was the two-dimensional man. He was working out in his old neighborhood (he went to school at Georgetown) during the off-season in 1995 when he was still an Atlanta Hawk.
Here are my final, semi-ambiguous predictions. Philly might win, but the Bucks still might win. The Lakers should win, but the Spurs could win. If Philly wins, and the Lakers win, then I think the Sixers will win, but you never know. If the Bucks and Spurs tangle, the Bucks should win, unless the Spurs do. If the Bucks and Lakers tango, then the Lakers will pound them (maybe). If Armageddon occurs before the Finals, then A.C. Green, the only 40-year-old virgin in the NBA, will get laid. Maybe, just maybe, John Starks will get his one nut back after all the shit Chicago took from him. Is he still a man?
To be honest with you, I like Philadelphia over Los Angeles in seven games if and only if Charles Barkley returns in full regalia as the “Round Mound of Rebound” and kicks Kobe’s sorry punk-ass into the hardwood. Yeah, you heard it here first: Sex for A.C. Green, an extra nut for John Starks, an ass-whipping from Sir Charles and in the end a championship for the Philadelphia 76ers.
-Eliav Appelbaum is the Nexus’ Sports Editor and thinks Michael Jordan bought off the NBA Lottery.