Life is full of mysteries. … Who shot JFK? How do they get that cream filling into a Twinkie? Exactly what animal does Taco Bell’s “meat” come from?

But by far the biggest mystery of them all: Men have nipples. Why?

When teamed up with a vagina, nipples have the potential to serve a deliciously heated, frothy beverage at any time. However, mipples (or male nipples, to the laymen) are udderly useless. In fact, mipples appear to exist only as temperature gauges and titty twister targets.

Nonetheless, mipples on fat guys pose a different and even more wonderous mystery: bitch tits.

Monday’s forecast: A breast of fresh air, and maybe even a treat for you to nipple on if you can help me solve the mipple mysteries.