I hear that today is the last day of sorority rush.

Seeing that the Weathergraduation is in June, this is my last sorority rush, and I’ll admit that I’ll miss them … but only for their comic value.

Innocent, young girls wearing 12-inch heels and skirts complete with cleavage windows and panty skylights pay to be driven all over town like cattle.

Meanwhile, corrupt, older girls stand around and make superficial judgements about the cattle. They say things like, “Wow. Her nostrils were, like, so mishapen … She’s not even ____ (some cute greek abbreviation) material.”

Ahhh. Now that’s the kind of girl I’d pay to hang out with.

Friday’s forecast: This is UCSB. What the hell do you need a sorority for?