Despite my newly less-than-salacious lifestyle, what I still feel thoroughly compelled to do is outrun the clutches of tabloid journalism. After all that is what I’ve been doing for so long now. And so the story abounds: I left home at 14 to model; I left modeling at 20 to act; I left acting at 21 for pornography – and it was then that all of my acute anxiety problems began. Now I’m here trying to get over the memory of accidentally eating chocolate chip cookies covered in ants while my roommate Windexed the kitchen floor (and all of the ants to death) after we both bought a few pregnancy tests at the grocery store.

Surprisingly enough this isn’t only my life story, but it is also the life story of one out of every seven people in North America. And the word is all four members of the band Soulstice, who just released their album Illusion on OM Records and have all had the same experience. Although that last line is not true, the soft lounge-type melodic tunes from this quartet are backed by a reality all too real. Offering a different vibe, Ism Records’ Sunrunners compilation mixed by DJ Swingsett is a CD full of surprises oddly slammed together. The album has danger and intrigue lurking around every twisting and turning corner like an ancient history version of “21 Jump Street.” From DJ Spinna’s “Funktacuda” to Jamyz Nylon’s Nylito’s Way to Duermo’s “Y Sign” to Wally & Swingsett’s “Dropera,” this CD is like a government-created virus meant for espionage, articulately named “bad-ass-muthafuckin-super-virus-song-mix thing.” It forces you to believe that this virus is evolving at an exponential rate, becoming sentient and even requesting political asylum. Well, it almost does anyway.

But honestly (and here I truly mean honestly), bumpin’ Sylk 130’s Re- Members Only left me feeling as if I were inadvertently led to a magical tome by a phoenix in Davidson Library, and then just by reading the book, transported to the mystical land described in its pages. Straight off of Six Degrees Records and featuring the likes of The Cosmic Funk Orchestra, Grover Washington Jr., and most of De La Soul, King Britt says that he wants “people to know that this music crosses all boundaries and cultures,” and his presentation thereof speaks more than adequately of such an idea. In fact, in a weird sort of way, I felt strangely conflicted after listening to Re- Members Only. It was like I was in this mystical land as general pandemonium ensued because I had screwed things up by trying to steal the emperor’s crown jewels for afternoon laughs, failing my exams, baking cookies, drawing pictures of Pierce Brosnan and jeopardizing my quest to reunite with long-lost loves by overeating. Even with great music, how I feel is always such a sordid story. And since the real insect-themed-costumed-science-ninja-space-Robotsex never stands up, I’m perpetually annoyed.

Robotsex says face down, ass up is the way he likes to fuck.