A relieved bouquet of tulips to the four-day weekend (or five-day weekend, depending on your academic commitment) and to all those professors who canceled class on Wednesday.
A conniving turd to those professors who plan to discuss the final exam during Wednesday lectures.
An enormous Thanks-for-Giving tulip to local groups and individuals organizing food drives over the holiday weekend.
A stagnant turd to the sinks full of dirty dishes that will be left to rot and fester until students return on Monday.
A second helping of tulips to Mom’s Thanksgiving dinner.
An “I can’t get my shit together to save my life” turd to the state Florida for botching the 2000 election.
A professional tulip to the Independent for not being sucked into the Florida melodrama and publishing a stellar piece on violence in the Middle East.
A stop-and-go turd to holiday traffic.
A clement tulip for the Thanksgiving turkey that receives a presidential pardon each year.
A historical turd to early American colonists. Native Americans could have called it, “Thankstaking.” Assholes.
A discount tulip to Thanksgiving sales, beginning at 7 on Friday morning.
A boring turd to drunken relatives that you only see at Thanksgiving, and their perpetual nagging about your life’s intentions.
A cyber tulip to the brand new Daily Nexus web page and staff.
A smoky, and oh-so-ripe turd to Associated Students for trying to ban cigarette sales on campus.
A preemptive tulip to Chancellor Henry Yang, who will hopefully reject the A.S. proposal.