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BioBoring 2001- Hippies Mount a Lousy PR Campaign

"It's a shite state of affairs Buhler - a shite state of affairs."Buhler, my wingman, scanned the thousands of empty seats in Balboa Park's Starlight Bowl and agreed.
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If I Get A Little Tired, I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead …

Medical studies say cognitive ability drops 25 percent for every 24 hours without sleep. The areas of the brain hardest hit are always the higher mental functions like critical thought and analysis.
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Fear and Boring

I take in David Horowitz in all his trollish elegance as he squats behind the podium ranting about how all my professors are crooked leftists.
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Columnist Rises to the Synonym Challenge

"Write a column about your penis." This is what Opinion editor Curtis says when I ask him what the most memorable column of the year should be about.
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Delving Into the Dark Depths of Man-Beast Habitat

With only five weeks left until the end of my lease, my five roommates and I have entered into a depraved Iron Man contest to see who can stand the filth of our own house.
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Can’t Fight the Feelin’ – Spring Is Here Once Again

People don't want to hear about how it's spring and everything in Isla Vista is green, or how heavenly it is to witness the 10-minute riot of nubile flesh as it floods down the bikepaths before class.
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Incompetence Smells Worse Than So-called Swine

Once, when I was a lowly crime reporter, I asked a wise old Isla Vista cop why he was always so polite to us Nexites. He said, "It's never a good idea to mess with people who buy ink by the barrel."
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Cyberspace Is the Battleground for Social Reform

Pop quiz, brainiac: How many miles of chain-link fence does it take to protect the World Trade Organization from 10,000 angry activists?
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Double Standard in Federal Drug Policy Condemns Thousands

What's at stake this week in The Supreme Court v. The Sick, the Nauseous and the Terminally Ill of Berkeley, is nothing less than the right of 100 million Americans to decide what they can and can't p...
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‘Syllabus’ Classes Can Unravel Academic Gridlock

Girvetz 2116 is a stuffy little classroom crammed with the bodies of over 50 students waiting for Modern Literature professor Enda Duffy. The desks are filled, and crashers sit Indian style on the flo...
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FAFSA: My Anti-Drug; Removal of Aid Sparks Congress Battle

Drug War promoter Mark Souder, R-Ind., has leveled his legislative guns at the financial aid of hundreds of thousands of college students, but anti-drug war activists nationwide are taking their own p...
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Wake Up and Smell Your Spectacle Society

The rain comes down in a halo of streetlight amber. Thousands of students stand silently in the road weeping. Behind the silence, a dozen power generators hum the TV stations' live feeds.
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Speed and Death are America’s Apple Pie

Dale Earnhardt died Sunday when his brain suddenly snapped off his spine in the kind of superwhiplash that occurs when you hit a wall going 190 mph.
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‘Fight On’ for Free Music

I speak for 50 million when I say the music industry can suck my balls.
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Prosecution Against Asbestos-Dumping Landlord Never Went to Court

The APCD wanted to prosecute KAMAP owner John Warkentin for breaking multiple air-pollution, public-health and fair-business laws.
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