Peyton Stotelmyre / Daily Nexus

Hi AJ! How do I tell my girlfriend that she’s bad at eating me out? How can I help her get better?

Navigating the physical aspects of a relationship can often seem more daunting and confusing than other parts. There are so many levels of vulnerability when it comes to physical relationships that the fear hurting, confusing or even embarrassing our partner can stop us from addressing an issue or feeling. That being said, it is important to remember that the advice I am giving you is very general and that you know your girlfriend as well as your relationship with her more than I do so use your best judgment when trying to determine how she will react to certain things.

I would stray from telling her she is bad at eating you out and try to frame it in a way that is focused on you: for example, you could tell her that you really like when she does one thing over another or even show her what feels good for you. From my experience, when I have been with someone who doesn’t know what feels good for me, showing or helping them goes a long way. Additionally, if you ask your girlfriend what feels good for her, it can help alleviate some of the pressure she may feel from trying to pleasure you. I have also found that being responsive to a partner can be very encouraging. You could moan or tell your girlfriend it feels good which will help reinforce more of the positive actions.

As a reminder, sex is not what this culture has made it out to be and to that end it is certainly not what we see in the movies. There is so much pressure to have these magical, perfect, orgasmic if you will hookups on the first try, but that is so unrealistic. It takes time and communication to become familiar with your partner’s body. You could have a ton of amazing sex with one partner yet be far from getting another partner there. I believe that a good sexual partner hasn’t necessarily had copious amounts of sex or had an extensive list of sexual partners but is aware of their partner and how what they’re doing makes them feel. Reassure your girlfriend of these things and make sure she knows that you’re in this together.

 

🝊

 

Hi AJ! There’s a cute guy who works at the Starbucks in the UCen. How do I ask him out in the right way without making him feel pressured?

Wow meet cute of the quarter for sure <3 Just as a preface, I think this is one of those times you’ve got to be prepared to go all in. Because he works at the UCen Starbucks, you run the risk of having to see him again even if things don’t work out. While I have full faith and confidence in you, this possibility is something to keep in mind but not something that should keep you from asking him out.

That being said, I would write the following message on a napkin and give it to one of the other baristas to give to him:

“His name, Coffee date?

   -Your full name, your phone number”

Make sure you don’t stay in there after giving the napkin to the barista. This way, he has your name, your number, knows you’re interested and is in a relatively lower pressure situation than if you were to say something to him. Now he has time to do all of the necessary creeping on your social media and let you know when he wants to meet up with you :) SHOOT YO SHOT BABYYYY.

 

🝊

 

I can’t kick my coffee addiction. Help!

If you’re anything like me, caffeine has become imperative to life as a college student. Between academics, work, some semblance of a social life and crippling procrastination, coffee became my crutch. If it’s the coffee you’re trying to cut and not necessarily the caffeine, I would suggest switching to a tea. However, if you’re trying to lower your caffeine intake, I would definitely try to reduce your “need” for caffeine by adjusting your sleep schedule and depleting your dependency by only drinking caffeine when you absolutely need it. Making an effort to get at least eight hours of sleep per night has changed my life. I have seen noticeable differences in my focus, retention and productivity in addition to reducing the amount of caffeine I consume. If that wasn’t enough to convince you, just think about all of the money you could save (about $1,100 a year assuming you spend $3 per day on coffee) AND you won’t have to hold your caffeine poops in during class.

Got an anonymous question for AJ? Submit them here!

Print