Hello boys and girls, welcome back to the first week of 2015. Things are going to be a little different this quarter. Considering the fact that we have eyes and ears all over the place, your raunchy convos and drunk rants will now be on display for all your fellow gauchos to see. So as the rest of the year progresses, keep an eye out — maybe two — and you might just be lucky enough to catch us in action. Or not. You know you love me.
XOXO, Gaucho Girl
“You know if it’s stepped on its probably broken right?”
“Nah, they’re ok…” -Two heavily intoxicated girls picking up random condoms on DP
Ladies, ladies … what do you expect to do with all of those condoms?
“No! You’re not gonna pee on me for Snapchat.”
Spotted: Two students who attempt to use social media to make up for their lackluster personalities.
“I’d rather fuck his dog than fuck him.”
Oh people of Isla Vista, your choice of language makes even Jenny Humphrey look elite.
“If you bike through there, watch out for the broken gnome and the puke.”
Although we Isla Vistians love our lawn decor and our liquor, it is probably best not to mix the two. Unless you’re Chuck Bass.
“Yeah, but how many showtunes does your dick know?”
If your genitals are able to sing the tunes of well-known musicals, you are well ahead of mankind and evolution in general and should use this skill to help the less fortunate. Besides, Dan Humphrey could really use it.
“The only B-word you should call a girl is beautiful. Bitches love being called beautiful.”
The only B word I want to hear about is beer.
“Look at me! I’m the fucking social butterfly!” —Drunk girl running in front of Freebirds
Sure you are.
“I’m not trying to catch feels. I wanna stay away from Feelidelphia. I’m running away from the Feelipines.” —Drunk girl avoiding her FWB
Feelidelphia is a dark and scary place. It is where women go to wither away in their tears and their half baked Ben & Jerry’s. We all know Serena and Blair have been there, but I wouldn’t recommend it.
“Bro, what the fuck, you spilled salsa on my chubbies man. These were my favorite fucking pair!!!!” —Bro to another bro
Any piece of clothing titled “chubbies” is probably an article of clothing that should be thrown into the depths of the ocean, never to be seen again.
“Ok, but which filter fits my personality though?” —One sorority girl to the next
The only filter you need is one for your mouth.