Don’t slow down or move aside for anyone — true in life, true on the bike path.
1. Everyone is too goddamn slow.
2. Like you.
3. And you.
4. And you, too.
5. Oh yes, please text while riding your beach cruiser.
6. And yes, please ride right next to your friend.
7. She really needs to hear about how you got fucked up on DP last night.
8. This is like Black Friday, but with bicycles.
9. Oh, I definitely care about how the people in front of you today got into an accident.
10. THE ROUNDABOUT WORKS LIKE A FUCKING CAR ROUNDABOUT.
11. Please tell me no one allows you to operate a vehicle.
12. Do you guys even look before you cross?
13. It’s real cute when you look like a deer caught in headlights.
14. MOVE, BITCH, GET OUT THE WAY.
15. This is like an SB version of Frogger.
16. Except with freshmen.
17. You ride a bike like a newborn calf walks.
18. Why did I think holding a cup of coffee while wearing a dress was a good idea?
19. Why am I biking all the way to Chem 1179.
20. This is basically a cross-country trip.
21. Wow, what a great time to undergo construction.
22. Do you even gear, bro?
23. Oh my, three-second eye contact.
24. So this is love…
25. If you’re going to bypass me, speed up and do it already.
26. I’m not following your wannabe drag race shenanigans.
27. What if my brakes stop working?
28. They probably will because I have to brake for all you people.
28. And my front tire falls off.
29. Annnnnd you almost crashed into me.
30. It’s Wednesday afternoon, you can’t even blame this on being drunk.