I’ve never been in a long-distance relationship, but from what I’ve observed, it seems like cross-country coupledom is the way to go – especially in the technologically advanced and emotionally independent era we live in. Who needs roses and candlelight when we have webcams, emoticons and the ability to airbrush away our imperfections?

Globalization has swept the business world, and it’s bound to affect all of our personal lives sooner or later. Long-distance relationships are the wave of the future, so hop on the Skype train and ride.

Sometimes, when I’m arguing with my boyfriend about his excessive inebriation or his inability to properly display emotion or various other petty and pointless topics, I compare my relationship to my friends’ long-distance counterparts and the green envy monster rears its ugly head. I’m downright jealous of my friend who has daily Skype sex with his British girlfriend, and I kinda wish it were me instead of my roommate who got to send semi-pornographic photos via airmail to Kenya.

Granted, the long-distance thing can be a deal breaker for certain couples – Turkey Drop, anyone? – but I bet all you overzealous freshmen who broke up with your high school sweethearts over Thanksgiving break would think twice if you knew the sex can actually be better when you’re not sharing the same zip code.

Sure, long-distance sex has the potential to suck, but international intimacy can also blow, if you really put your mind to it. Phone sex is potentially awkward – Wait, where did you say your hand was? – and text sex is almost impossible. But I’m pretty sure webcams, what with their visual design and high speed, were invented to solve both of these problems.

The first thing any long-distance couple needs to pair with their webcams is Skype: It’s free, it’s convenient, and, when used correctly, it’s the best practical-turned-sexual invention since handcuffs. Once you’re all wired and the webcam is set up, your lover feels so close it’s like their wet mouth is right between your legs. Of course, when I say “their” I mean “your,” and when I say “wet mouth” I mean “sweaty hand,” but work with me here – it’s the perfect combo of sex and masturbation.

The beauty of Skype sex, aside from the beautiful alliteration the term lends itself to, is you can pretend your girlfriend is a porn star. Of course, nobody actually wants their girlfriend to star in sex tapes and aid in other dudes’ quests to cum, but who hasn’t fantasized about their woman prancing around onscreen? Think back to seventh grade – the Playboy bunnies were goddesses. Now, your girlfriend is a goddess, and it’s an exclusive peepshow for only your eyes to see. My buddy, whose girlfriend is 6,000 miles and a Skype connection away, said it best: It’s just like a Wednesday night at YouPorn.com, except you get to talk to your favorite video girl afterward.

And it’s not just the boys who reap the benefits of cyber sex. For ladies, the beauty of bringing yourself and your partner to the big O over a webcam is the advance warning implicit in the arrangement. You know how sometimes, you go over to his place with plans to cuddle up and watch “A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila,” but his dirty male brain has something else in mind? In a long-distance relationship, this dilemma is nonexistent, because there is no such thing as surprise Skype sex. You’ll never be caught with extra hair down there you were meaning to shave tomorrow, and you’ll never feel obligated to give a half-hearted blowjob. Right after you two plan the next time you’re gonna meet up on the ‘net, you have the chance to plan the lighting scheme, pick out matching underwear and decide exactly how much eyeliner achieves the elusive balance between lady of the night and girl next door.

Long-distance sex is superior for both genders: It’s the ultimate equalizer. It’s much easier for the ladies to fake an orgasm, and the guys don’t have to cuddle afterward – everyone wins.

If you need me, I’ll be at the airport. I’m flying as far away from my boyfriend as possible… just as long as there’s an Internet connection.