Van Dyke’s Raunchy Writing Is a Sorry Excuse for a Hump
I'm writing to address the Wednesday Hump column your paper so shamelessly prints.
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Please Don’t Try to Bike Over the Hump Pls
Labyrinth: Grades Search
Aries
March 21 - April 19
Everything shower every day
Taurus
April 20 - May 20
Has an extensive tote bag collection but never brings one to Trader Joe’s
Gemini
May 21 - June 20
Reusing condoms
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
Collecting tears to water their plants
Leo
July 23 - August 22
Asking to shower together to “save water”
Virgo
August 23 - September 22
Air conditioning and electric blanket running simultaneously
Libra
September 23 - October 22
Has gone from Temu to SHEIN for bikini purchases
Scorpio
October 23 - November 21
Fracking
Sagittarius
November 22 - December 21
On their 10th flight out of Santa Barbara Airport this month
Capricorn
December 22 - January 19
Owns seven Stanley cups
Aquarius
January 20 - February 18
Wrote their environmental ethics essay with ChatGPT
Pisces
February 19 - March 20
Vegan contributing to Big Almond
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