UCSB unveils new non-DEI curriculum
In accordance with the wishes of our beloved well-endowed president, UCSB has renovated its curriculum, replacing all the ugly WOKENESS with PATRIOTIC teachings. Here is a list of our beloved leaderâ€...
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I’ve Been Lost In Phelps Hall For Seven Years
My name is George Gello, and I’ve been lost in Phelps Hall for seven years. However, I’m still hopeful I’ll get to my class, History of Architecture 3B. In fact, I predict my seven years in a te...
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Labyrinth: Grades Search
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Aries
March 21 - April 19
A werewolf who definitely howled mid make-out
Taurus
April 20 - May 20
A performative male dressed as Tyler Durden
Gemini
May 21 - June 20
The mime that somehow made it hot and cool
Cancer
June 21 - July 22
The ghost of your situationship (no, it’s actually them)
Leo
July 23 - August 22
Frat vampire, and your neck will be bleeding
Virgo
August 23 - September 22
The angel that has definitely never gone out
Libra
September 23 - October 22
The literal devil
Scorpio
October 23 - November 21
A prisoner with fake tattoos that you can pretend are real for the night
Sagittarius
November 22 - December 21
A sexy cowboy that definitely used the ride line at least four times
Capricorn
December 22 - January 19
A Patrick Bateman who relates a little too much
Aquarius
January 20 - February 18
The witch who asked for your zodiac sign first
Pisces
February 19 - March 20
A nurse who will leave you needing CPR
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