Madeline Bryce / Daily Nexus

Chinese New Year fell on Tuesday, Feb. 17 and offered people around the world the chance to start the year anew. In the face of failed resolutions only two months into 2026, many people have jumped at the chance to create some new goals — ones that are perhaps more realistic and attainable. If you are looking for some new goals yourself, the following list is the perfect guide to get you started.  

1. Work less

In this economy, working harder doesn’t mean anything, so why bother? Isn’t it better to protect your peace and work only as much as you want, to feel as fulfilled as you want? 2026 is no time to let people tell you what to do, and you need to start by telling them to back off. Your time is not their money. 

2. Hold grudges

People these days are out of control. They walk slowly, say stupid things and act selfishly. You honestly owe it to yourself to hold grudges, so don’t let undeserving people get too close to you. Boundaries are important in 2026, and grudges are the perfect things to build them. 

3. Live in the past

The way things are moving, the past is looking nicer every single day. They say look for the silver lining and what if that was 2016, when we were living the high life with no real stakes? The future is bleak: expensive, hot, crowded and loveless — it’s okay to look back and yearn, especially this year. 

4. Send more drunk texts

They say drunk words are sober thoughts, so let’s go with it! Sometimes you just need that extra push, and so what if that extra push is being completely inebriated? The worst outcome is you completely embarrass yourself, but at least you’ll always have a story to tell come Monday. There’s no reason things need to be so serious all the time. So, take that shot and press send to all the Jacks, Arthurs and Marks in your life. 

5. Compare yourself more

People are so out of touch with things these days, and it’s important for you to avoid that by keeping yourself in check via other people. Anyone who said you shouldn’t compare yourself clearly didn’t have to live through the competitive job and dating landscape we must now endure. If that girl Anika has one more internship and two more extracurricular activities than you on her resume, you might be screwed. Make 2026 yours by seeing what other people have going for them and doing what you need to take it from them. 

6. Break no contact 

Maybe you had it right the first time. Or they’re not that bad after all. Food for thought. 

7. Spend less time with your family

Unfortunately, unless your family is offering you a nepotism-steeped internship or job, there is no time for you to be fraternizing with them. You need to focus on the people that will benefit you in the long run, those people with influence and experience that will be the star of your LinkedIn page. 2026 is the year of the lock in, and family just doesn’t make the cut. 

8. Reduce stress by ignoring everything in your life

Enough with all the self-care or therapy BS. Nip the stress in the bud by cutting it out of your life entirely. Your friends stressing you out: they’re done, goodbye. School gives you stress: drop out, problem solved. Your lack of job prospects gives you gray hairs: forget it, who needs to be employed anyway? This strategy is not only super easy, it’s cost effective as well. No need to worry about buying face masks or paying the water bill after copious baths. It’s a win-win!

9. Increase screen time

We live in a digital world, people. Being on our phones is us just checking in with our digital neighbors, our digital friends and our digital responsibilities. No one can really socialize in-person anymore, anyway, and 2026 is supposed to be the year of laughter and connection. So, check out Instagram, see what people are up to. Doomscroll TikTok, and scroll, scroll, scroll some more. You’ll always know what’s happening in the world and you’ll stay in the know, even as the years pass by. 

10. Be unhappier

Sometimes you wake up and there’s nothing to look forward to, and that’s perfectly okay. 2026 can be the time for you to lean into your angry grandma mindset, where everyone has wronged you and where you feel consumed by bitterness. Smiling and seeing the positive in everything is so boring and overdone. Be the black sheep and provide some variation with your year-long unhappiness. 

Serrano Ham wants an envelope full of money.