Madeline Bryce/Daily Nexus
With Pass 1 of course registration having concluded this past week, devastated students, especially freshmen, have been left in its wake. UC Santa Barbara has been experiencing unprecedented rates of drop outs as freshmen freak out over not getting critical major classes. Officials have been scrambling for solutions to solve this crisis, none of which involve adding more available slots to lectures, or making multiple professors teach the same course.
First-year medieval studies major, Finbar O’Flanagan, is the latest victim of the class shortage at UCSB and has recently announced the end of his academic career. In a statement issued to the entirety of the school via a Gmail chain, O’Flanagan decried the school and expressed his shock about the situation.
“I don’t know how I can go on — it’s mathematically impossible for me to graduate in less than seven years!” O’Flanagan wrote.
His panic has been espoused by hundreds of other students who have expressed regret about picking UCSB over other schools. Faculty have attempted to calm students — with limited success. One chemistry professor, who asked to remain anonymous, “because my RateMyProfessors score can’t take another hit,” insisted that the class crisis was overblown.
“Back in my day, we camped outside of Broida Hall or followed our professors home until they gave us the add code to a class we needed. Kids are just too weak these days,” said the anonymous professor.
Even upperclassmen aren’t immune to the far-reaching effects of the Pass 1 debacle. Fourth-year political science major Kiki Lee described the frantic atmosphere.
“Freshmen keep asking me for advice, and what am I supposed to do? Manifest an open seat? Ask Dennis Assanis? Pray to the GOLD gods? We’re all suffering here. I’m one class away from being able to graduate and it’s a time slot that literally doesn’t exist. I mean, 4:58 to 6:13 p.m. Are we serious?” Lee commented.
The UCSB subreddit has been extremely active following Pass 1, with anonymous users not holding back their disgust. @celeryButEmotional posted a very vulnerable message, showing the dark side of the class scramble at the school.
“I did the calculation — getting my chemistry lab was 2.3% probable, and I’m 87% less likely to graduate because I wasn’t able to get the last lecture spot. I chopped my finger off, I was so angry.”
@3AMExistentialNugget simply had this to say: “Crash the course? More like crash my head into a wall because I go to school in these conditions!”
Despite the chaos, campus officials maintain a hopeful tone.
“Everything is working exactly as intended. Class registration is always a dynamic, evolving ecosystem. Like our very own Isla Vista cliffs, it involves patience, adaptability and occasionally, a total collapse.”
As for O’Flanagan, he remains firm in his decision to drop out of UCSB following his inability to get a single class in a department he claims “literally only has two other students.”
He wrote a follow-up email sent to 23,458 UCSB students.
“In my newfound free time, I’ll become a wandering bard — I’ll finally learn how to play the lute and live the life of my dreams.”
UCSB has declined to comment on his departure, saying only, “We don’t negotiate with freshmen.”
Serrano Ham would love to rage quit school one of these days.
