Madeline Bryce/Daily Nexus
Commemorating the one-year anniversary of the presidential election, local UC Santa Barbara student and third-year doomscroll studies major Evan Ignorami announced on Oct. 28 that he was “deeply unsettled by the direction of the country” despite not having read a single piece of news since the Logan Paul and Mike Tyson fight.
Ignorami, who receives all current news updates from conversations overheard in the Panda Express line in the University Center and the occasional TikTok caption, was shocked to learn that things actually happened after the election last year.
“I thought voting was like those ‘would you rather’ quizzes. I had no idea things were actually implemented. That’s just kinda insane to me,” said Ignorami.
Since this realization, friends of Ignorami noted that his political involvement saw a rare peak after he posted an Instagram story slide reading, “go vote besties <3.”
However, the Daily Nexus has received reports that the link to his story actually took viewers to a “Dress to Impress” poll instead of anything related to the California Special Election. Regardless, Ignorami has expressed a genuine interest in becoming more informed about current events.
Ignorami has begun his enlightenment journey with what he calls “ambient news,” which includes headlines skimmed while deleting Apple News notifications, a clip of a senator yelling during a 10-second YouTube ad and conversations his stoned roommates have about “the debt ceilings or something.”
People close to Ignorami have noticed that, in recent weeks, he has also begun expressing feelings of being “overwhelmed” and “disillusioned.”
“I’m really sensitive to negative things, and I’m detecting a lot of stress in the online world, which is really getting to me. People are just mad and upset about … things. And I am too,” said Ignorami.
When asked what specifically bothers Ignorami most about the current political state of the world, Ignorami was quick to weigh in about the most pressing issues.
“Well, watching an Instagram Reel about the Lincoln bathroom renovation was horrific. The texture on the marble is just awful and doesn’t in any way match the shade of gold used on the hardware,” Ignorami commented.
Ignorami has vowed to address the issues he has with politics these days and has plans to start a non-profit organization aimed at supporting students who have been asked, “Have you voted?”
Construction for a “no guilt zone” is awaiting the permit approval process. Ignorami promises to spread awareness when he remembers.
“I’m taking action. I’ll make sure to vote if someone texts me a link telling me how, or if I see a reminder on someone’s close friends’ story.”
Serrano Ham wishes to be this ignorant.
