Madeline Bryce/Daily Nexus
In response to the copious amounts of incoming freshman questions, the Daily Nexus has made answering them an all-hands-on-deck event. Below are a few of the questions Serrano Ham has been forced to address.
Q: How should I make friends?
A: First of all, in college, they’re called colleagues, not “friends.” There’s no time for frivolous relationships like that anymore, especially if they won’t help you get closer to the JPMorgan interview or medical school acceptance. If they don’t have a LinkedIn with at least 200+ connections, they don’t matter.
You want to comb through potential colleagues’ networks and really prioritize yourself. If they can get you into the frats because they “know a guy,” there you go, that’s someone of value that you want on your side. So basically, go to mixers and club meetings and kind of work your magic. Get an idea of what they want to do in life, if they’re going to do it better than you (preferably not) and decide if that’s a beneficial work relationship. College is all about the future and trying to get a head start, so you need to get moving first!
Q: What’s the party scene like?
A: Let me just say: If you’re not on Del Playa Drive, what are you doing?
If you want a more detailed answer, watch “Deltopia” (2023), take some notes and come back to me with your thoughts.
Q: What clubs should I join?
A: I actually couldn’t care less. Just make sure they aren’t the ones I’m in.
Q: How do I become an authentic UC Santa Barbara student?
A: You start by never asking a dumbass question like this again, and then you take what I’m about to tell you to heart. It all starts with the attitude: You’ve got to be chill — chill is the very crux of the SB mindset, but with a kind of subtle ambition that lies just under the surface.
I’m talking hair still dripping in your formal suit because you had a cheeky surf sesh before your mock trial final. SB is all about deception. To the outside world, all we are is our party reputation. But what about the world-class research facilities? The students running environmental campaigns that reach the capitol? Why don’t we hear about those things?
It’s because the students are walking around in their Rainbow Sandals flip-flops, or clogging up the bike paths as they ride mid-conversation, and stiffs at Yale University or UC Berkeley don’t want to admit that tan people having fun are their competition.
Oh yeah, that reminds me. Always be kind to our Ivy League students, they have it tough (please reference the Yale Daily News’ lovely tribute piece entitled “Deltopia”). Sure, Weeks 1-9 (and maybe dabbling a little in 10), you can find a party somewhere in Isla Vista Wednesday through Saturday (okay maybe Sunday, too), but I guarantee you won’t be able to find a place to sit in the library Weeks 8-10, either.
The motto “work hard, play hard” is a little overexposed, but that doesn’t make it any less accurate. To be a UCSB student, you’ve got to know that the girl collapsed in front of a frat that you tripped over probably has a higher GPA than you, and will be interning at Bain & Company over the summer. She might be your ECON 10A tutor, or your peer counselor, and damn straight she knows how to party, too.
At UCSB, you’ll realize that a little fun in the sun, breathing in that fresh ocean air, makes you stronger, smarter and more importantly, happier. You will become an authentic UCSB student if you embrace every experience with tanned arms, meeting new people (who are probably assessing your network-benefit–see above question) and defying any labels people try to slap on you. To be an SB student is to live without too much worry, because between commuting from the library to I.V. to catch the frats, who really has time for that?
Serrano Ham hopes this helps!
