Madeline Bryce/Daily Nexus

Under the hot sun, a pack of creatures gathers in the distance. Creeping through bushes littered with discarded red Solo cups and plastic bags, we get a closer look at these specimens. Here on the Anacapa lawn, we observe swarms of young, wild UC Santa Barbara students in their natural habitat. 

They sprawl on the grass in huge groups, trying to maximize their vitamin D intake. The females of this species have shed their winter skin, opting instead for their colorful bikinis, which will be used to attract the potential suitors lurking on the outskirts of the gathering. 

The females employ this age-old flirtation technique, which involves feigning complete disinterest in the slowly encroaching males, who have been lured to the grass by the scent of tanning butter and sunblock. In order to let their presence be known and attract attention, they have begun to play Spikeball and football, competing with other males to show off their physiques and macho. 

As we watch these creatures interact, we notice a pattern in the hierarchy of the females. In the center lie the most tanned, wielding the clout necessary to defend their spots in the sunniest part of the lawn. The females organize themselves in a tan gradient, with the palest of the lot at the edges of the Anacapa lawn, close to the territory of the males, who throw their balls in the direction of females who catch their eye. 

There are some females who have left the pack and joined in these games, aligning themselves with the males and effectively ending any chance of attracting romantic male attention. By entering the male territory, they have effectively become “one of the guys,” giving up their spot in the female hierarchy.

Even though flirtatious behavior is raising the temperature of the Anacapa lawn a few extra degrees, there seems to be an unspoken agreement that no male should breach the innermost rings of the female arrangement. 

And so, as we stay hidden amongst the leaves of trees, we watch UCSB students suspended in the agonizing ritual which they engage in every sunny day: preening and teasing on the lawn, waiting for the courage to finally cross into each other’s territory. As Santa Barbara prepares for the sun to finally make its reappearance in spring quarter, the Anacapa lawn has much to offer scientists as they study the behavior and psychology of young students in the wilderness of the college habitat. 

Serrano Ham recommends that when walking past the Anacapa lawn, keep your eyes down and back away slowly, so as to not startle the wildlife.