Fart Tent / Daily Nexus

Following a steady decrease in frequency of text responses, Carol Marcy and Jason Delulu have terminated their four-day long relationship. The two had initially bonded over their mutual possession of a med card and a Lexapro perscription. Shortly after confessing his deep feelings for Marcy, Deulu decided it was time to end things.

“I’m just not ready for a relationship right now,” he said. “I really need to focus on myself.” Delulu is currently in the process of switching his major from economics to communication after failing ECON 10A for the third time. “Like I told her,” he continued, “I totally still want to be friends every once in a while.”

This is pretty much what Delulu told Marcy last night in his Nissan Altima. When she started crying, he invited her over because “she seemed like she really needed a friend.” How considerate! He plans to give Marcy some space for a few weeks before drunkenly asking her to come over. Marcy anticipates this, and she plans to accept the invitation but lie to her friends about it. 

“When I first met Jason, I thought it was so hot how sad he was.” said Marcy. “I’m a psychology major, so I obviously thought I could fix him. Plus, he would smoke me out all the time.” Marcy’s disorganized attachment style allowed her to believe that a man who recently melted plastic on the stove while trying to heat up leftovers wanted to be her boyfriend. “I was so pissed when he ended things! And he was just smiling sheepishly like a dog who took a shit on the carpet.”

We’re just as surprised as Marcy that this promising relationship didn’t work out. Unfortunately, It’s just not good timing right now. Delulu is really busy fitting in his daily five hours of World of Warcraft. 

Some Bitch cried in my Nissan Altima.