Valerie Fu / Daily Nexus

It’s that wonderful time of the year again: you’re searching for next year’s housing, since residence halls are only guaranteed for the lucky bastards who survive the black box of the housing system! You’re dealing with money, meal plans and you are starting to wonder if food is really worth it after checking out the rent prices. It’s like Black Friday but with bigger stampedes during the apartment tours. This year, one landlord will oust the competition by reaping the benefits of a certain new addition to his complex: a type of ‘houseplant’ that is present in about half of the units, each of which will be charged extra for.

“It takes on the appearance of either an area of little black dots or a white fuzzy stretch that’ll bless each room it touches,” said Tok Sicspore, owner of the apartments that house this wondrous plant. Sicspore claims this fuzzy new companion has certain ‘properties’ that justify the increasing prices. “My cousin Poi and his cat Son moved into this new apartment a few months ago. This is where they first saw the plant. Three days later, Poi got a winning lottery ticket! This thing is magical, believe me. There’s this kind of good-luck aura around it, like an AoE effect for you gamers out there.” 

Consequently, complaints have arisen recently due to the increasing prices. Several potential tenants have left reviews on various social media platforms and on the apartment website. Some of the most liked and upvoted comments reflect the sentiments of @StinkyBreath42_0: “Isn’t this just mold? Why am I paying extra for mold?” However, some are more enthusiastic about this addition, such as @not_tok_sicspore, who supports this new “aesthetic upgrade.” While it is unclear whether this exotic houseplant is actually mold, there will certainly be more information available about the complex sometime within the coming renting period — likely from the desperate souls who applied for the Sierra Madre apartments but were rejected a week before move-in. 

Further investigation was attempted to discover more about the mysterious plant through Tok’s cousin, Poi. However, the individual turned out to be strangely elusive. “I haven’t heard from him recently,” Tok said when questioned. “I’m assuming he’s just busy with health matters. He has developed a bit of a lung problem.”

Antonia Lou is allergic to exotic houseplants.