AJ, I am begging you for help. I have been shaken to my core and haunted to this day by young-old Ben Platt. That being said, is the new “Dear Evan Hansen” remake considered a horror movie and can I, in good faith, watch it in the Halloween spirit? 

You know, I think this movie is getting a bad rap. There’s plenty of other films with incestual undertones, demonized mentally ill characters, morally despicable soft-boy protagonists and miscast 20-somethings playing high schoolers that don’t face this same level of scrutiny. Granted, they don’t usually pack all of those things into one movie, but movie musicals are about nothing if not pushing the boundaries of poor taste.

This is a film about ghosts, identify theft and murder. As a horror movie aficionado, the film’s treatment of its subject matter is horrific and inappropriate enough to compel me to watch. And watch I must. So I invite you, dear reader, to join me on this dark quest. Just remember, when it comes to slapdash, offensive, money-grabbing films, piracy is the way to go. While you might not steal a car, you would steal Ben Platt’s nepotism dollars.

Luca Disbrow / Daily Nexus

My housemates are insistent on doing Margarita Monday this week, but I have an essay due that night. AJ, can you really study buzzed?

Dear reader, you didn’t hear it from me, but some would say you MUST study buzzed — if it is legal for you to do so, of course. I would never condone drinking and driving, drinking and biking or drinking and texting (margarita mix can be especially dangerous when considering that endeavor), but if nothing else, simply having a drink to swirl in your hand while penning your latest masterpiece about trade routes in medieval Spain can really get the creative juices flowing. Very Ernest Hemingway.

However, this is the peer pressure that your middle school teachers warned you about. Consider using this moment to take a stand against your meddlesome friends, maintaining an air of superiority as you lock yourself in your bedroom and scrawl out your damned pages by candlelight if Victor Frankenstein is more your style. But beware, studying in isolation can be a sure path to summoning loathsome creatures from your intellect, and you may not like what you find. If you’re ready for the burden of fatherhood, however, there is no shame whatsoever in turning down your housemates in the spirit of more sober pursuits.

Luca Disbrow / Daily Nexus

How seriously am I supposed to take dressing up for Halloween in college? Please help a confused costumer out.

If you don’t approach every Halloween with the utter earnestness of a seventh grader attending her first school dance, you and I have nothing in common. The shutdown of Isla Vista for Halloween means local students typically celebrate the holiday all month long, so you might find yourself needing not just one costume, not two, but perhaps three or four different outfits for all the costume-party-hopping you’ll do throughout the month of October. As we all know, the offense of being an outfit repeater becomes even more serious on spooky occasions.

Most of us are costuming on a budget, and this requires an even greater level of creativity. It is essential that you rise to the challenge. While it’s always easy to whip together a cat, cowboy or campy pirate costume, a more niche look is sure to garner more positive attention. I’d recommend cultivating a look reminiscent of your favorite Spice Girl, Charlie’s Angel, Destiny’s Child or even your favorite Village Person. With costuming, as with all things, it is the thought that counts, and the partygoers of Isla Vista, sharp-eyed as they are, will be able to tell if you half-ass your outfit and will not hesitate to call you the fuck out. Don’t be an Alex Russo, put in some effort and have some fun. You never know where it might lead you.

Luca Disbrow / Daily Nexus