If midterms are driving you up the wall, take a moment to bask in the embarrassing and fairly relatable, anonymous thoughts of other gauchos who are probably procrastinating as much as you are. Enjoy!

1.) “I am just a penis. The rest of me is just there to make sure my penis survives long enough to make more penises.”


Questionable Scale: 8/10
Midterms seem to be getting the best of everyone and their genitalia this week.

2.) “Why watch Netflix when I can watch all the walk of shames from my window?”


Questionable Scale: 1/10
Congratulations, you got laid. Your morning breath, wrinkled clothing, possible STD, and messy knotted hair should be considered trophies.

3.) “College is too expensive, running away, selling my eggs, and literally living off the fruits of my labor.”


Questionable Scale: 3/10
The financial concern of a fellow gaucho drives her to sell her main source of protein, earning her approximately $2.50.

4.) “This is a public apology to a Katie out there, I stole your grilled cheese from Ortega because I was in a hurry. It was delicious, though, so keep doing you.”


Questionable Scale: 10/10
It’s one thing to steal someone’s phone or wallet, but their sandwich?! That’s crossing the line. My condolences Katie, no one deserves to go through that kind of anguish.

5.) “Started calling my Asian girlfriend a “panda” and now she sends me snapchats that say “hungry panda” when she’s eating bamboo or “strong panda” when she’s climbing trees”


Questionable Scale: 9/10
I’ve never tried hallucinogens before, but they seem to really open up one’s perspective of the world…and the native Chinese land mammal.

6.) “Roses are red, violets are blue, my bike tires are flat and my chest is too. Be mine?”


Questionable Scale: 4/10
Girls are really simple you see, all we really want for Valentine’s day is a bike pump and a water bra.

7.) “So sleep deprived every blink is a small nap”


Questionable Scale: 2/10
If you haven’t started setting your alarm for seven to twelve minute naps throughout the day, you have too much time on your hands.

8.) “My suitemate bought a 40 and thought it was a bottle #hepouredshots”


Questionable Scale: 6/10
Your suitemate is a sorry excuse for an alcoholic.

9.) “If only I could shazam a person’s face and it could tell me their name.”


Questionable Scale: 2/10
There’s an app for that.

10.) “Watching the grease drip off my pizza and thinking about my life decisions”


Questionable Scale: 1/10
Stop questioning your life decisions. If you have a pizza in front of you, you obviously made the right choice in the first place.