As we all know, people in Isla Vista live for the weekends. After a long hard week at school, students look forward to a relaxing, fun weekend. This could range from a night in or a night roaming the streets of I.V. While wandering this territory, you encounter many different types of people engaging in many different conversations. We have all been in those situations where we come into the conversation at the wrong time, hearing the most awkward statement of the discussion. Context or no, what we overheard this weekend was too funny not to repeat.

1.) Bro 1: “Have you showered today, bro?”
Bro 2: “Fuck no!”
Bro 3: “Shut up! I gotta go buy some Fireball!”


At least we know that people of IV (or at least the men’s baseball team) are trying to conserve water; I really did appreciate the drought concerns. Why shower or drink water when you can skip the tub and keep yourself hydrated with some Fireball?

2.) “Do you use both of these holes?”

truck accident

Do we want to know what holes they were referring to? Gopher holes or human holes?

3.) Frat guy: “We are trophy wives!”


It is really nice to hear that the men who attend UCSB do have confidence. I was getting worried.

4.) “He’s about to stack yo ass!”


I heard this during a game of gauchoball. I am not entirely sure how someone could stack my ass, but it didn’t sound pleasant. Thankfully, a girl in a tan romper interrupted the game, before anyone could show me a “stacking.” Thank you, romper girl.

5.) “Slap that fucking bag!”


This came from the girl that literally saved my ass. She was so sweet, willing to share her bag of wine. I will be honest, this was my first time “slapping the bag”.

6.) “I’m looking for real people.”


Too existential for your common frat guy.

7.) UCSB student: “I use extra lubricated condoms. You know, the orange Trojans.”
German student: “We don’t use condoms in Europe!”
UCSB student: “That’s why you are our bitch, Europe!”


This one speaks for itself.

8.) “I will show you a picture of Kevin Hart. You act just like him. You are the same height. You are Kevin Hart!”


Drunk logic prevails.

9.) “Her boobs were two seconds away from falling out…onto my face.”


That could have either been said with excitement or concern. I will never know. Fingers crossed for excitement.


10.) “That’s bullshit because everybody is dateable. Our sex positions make us datable as fuck.”

11.) “You missed the toilet.”

12.) “Well you’re not Stuart little. Fuck that.”

13.) “I don’t own weed bro. Your roommate deals it. I don’t sell Molly.”

14.) “I didn’t know how to read when I was little. I still don’t really know how to read.”

15.) “He cornered me in the bathroom. Then he took out his sad, small, shriveled penis and started jerking it… I escaped, thank God. But then he started doing lunges and making eye contact with me.”

16.) “Always poop with the door open.”

Thanks for keeping things interesting, Isla Vista.

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