To All the Gentleman of Isla Vista:
I live in a pink house with five other girls. Yes, we’re all relatively attractive. Yes, we’re all driven and intellectual and sociable. We go to the beach, we stay in shape and we love hummus. As far as I know, we’re normal.
But apparently there’s a problem sometimes carded as the sore subject, the topic of couch conversation after a night out, the acute rise of excitement followed by the habitual disappointment. I’m talking about boys, specifically the ones who live in our beach-side paradise called Isla Vista.
I just spent a week in New York City with a friend of mine who goes to school out there. We began talking about the dating culture at each of our relative schools. He was looking for advice on how he was going to ask out a girl with whom he had been hooking up for three weeks. He wanted her for himself. He said he was going to take her out to a really nice, elaborate dinner. Then he asked, “Do you think I should ask her to be my girlfriend before, during or after the dinner?” I respond, “During.” But hell, what do I know? It’s not like I’ve ever been taken on a candlelit dinner throughout my three years in college. And neither have any of my five normal roommates.
Here’s a story for you: It’s about a Boy with blue eyes and a Girl with brown hair. Boy and Girl had been friends for a while. One evening, Girl was hosting a party and Boy arrived. That evening, their friendship surpassed just friendship. Whenever you have sex with a friend for the first time, you move into precarious territory. Anyway, Boy needed to use the restroom in the middle of everything and upon return, decided to use the same condom as before. This was a flagrant turn-off for Girl, so she suggested that they both go to sleep. Three hours later, Girl awakened, turned to her side and noticed that Boy had enigmatically disappeared. “I just wanted to sleep in a bigger bed,” Boy texted her when she inquired where he had gone. Girl knew something was up, because Boy had slept over in her small bed many times before. Morning arrived, night arrived and the following day and week arrived … still no word from Boy.
This story is just one of many that attest to the presence of letdowns, absences and avoidances that are oftentimes more hurtful than directness, all of which have been felt by a majority of females living in our community. So here’s my advice to you, boys: Try taking her out to dinner before unbuttoning her pants. Try holding her hand before asking for a blowjob.
Here’s another way to put it: Guys, think of your sister. And if you don’t have a sister, imagine that you do. Would you want some guy treating her the same way you treat the girl you’re kissing?
Don’t be so afraid that we’re going to shepherd you toward commitment. Our only want is for someone to treat us decently, to stay for the entirety of night when we make the request, to show facets of honesty and to walk us home when it’s dark outside and we were recently informed of a stabbing that took place on the 66 block of DP. After all, our hearts only bend so much.
This article was submitted anonymously.
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