Recently, I took a trip to Taco Bell. I was craving my usual cheesy Gordita Crunch, but the real reason I wanted to go was to try the new Doritos locos taco. This new item combines the satisfying heartiness of a taco with the outrageous flavor of nacho cheese Doritos. The sharp minds at Taco Bell, after years of rigorous research in neuroscience, discovered that while old or sober people might view this dish as silly and unhealthy, those of us who are young, drunk and/or high love it. Then, following years of market research, they discovered that young, drunk and/or high people make up 90 percent of their customers. Alas, in a brilliant move, the Doritos taco shell was created.
Needless to say I was extremely excited for the taco but I was also nervous to leave the house. Why was I nervous to leave the house you ask? Because I do not own a smartphone, so when I am not in the comfort of my home I am disconnected from Facebook and Twitter. I feel alienated when I am not connected to Facebook and Twitter because I cannot interact with other people. At the end of the day, however, one must decide between socializing and leaving the house — it’s one or the other.
So, with my munchies as my motivation, I reluctantly left my house and comfort zone. The car ride was cold and isolated. I hungered for that human connection which can only be achieved through social media. But I also hungered for a Doritos taco, so I endured the utter loneliness. Finally, I arrived and ordered my food, still wrought with the pain of isolation.
When my order came I realized something wonderful. Printed on the wrapper for my Doritos Locos Taco were Twitter and Facebook posts about how good the tacos were. One said, “DORITO shell on a taco, I’m thinking yes #AWESOMENESS!” another one said “Just tried a Doritos Locos Taco for the first time, like if you think it’s the best thing eveeeeeeer!” What a great feeling to be able to satisfy my hunger and my need for human connection at the same time.
Thanks again, Taco Bell, for truly understanding the needs of our generation. When we are disconnected we feel socially impotent. Therefore, while we are out of the house we need to be reminded constantly that Facebook and Twitter exist so that we feel better about being cut off from the entire outside world. I want to someday live in a world where my children can socialize with other children even if they’re out of the house, and Taco Bell is doing their best to make that world happen.
Matthew Renner spends his time catching up with his 111 Facebook friends and managing his Xanga account.