On April 20, Daniel Chong was just relaxing and smoking marijuana with friends. Though it was the annual 4/20 holiday, smoking was not a rare activity for Daniel. He was just going about his normal day. All of a sudden, DEA agents raided his house and his life changed forever.

During the raid, DEA agents seized drugs and weapons. “I was really nervous at first,” Chong said. “I thought I would be in trouble for the illegal stuff in my house. Little did I know, it would be the luckiest day of my life.”

After the federal agents interrogated Chong, they brought him to a 5’x10’ holding cell, intending to release him soon after. But they forgot to do so. Chong ended up spending five days in the holding cell before anyone noticed he was there.

“At first I was annoyed because I just wanted to go home. It was only after about six hours that I thought, hey, maybe I could get some lawsuit money out of this,” Chong said. “After two days I was so excited about the money I could make that I peed in my mouth a little. I know it sounds bad having no food, drink or toilet for five days, but wouldn’t ya know it, the DEA agents left a free bag of meth in the cell with me. Yes, please!”

Legal experts estimate that Chong could get anywhere from five to 20 million dollars in damages by suing the DEA, an amount sure to change Daniel’s life forever. In interviews, he was noticeably gleeful about his prospective wealth and had a message for the world.

“I’m rich now, biatch. Fuck all the haters that said I wouldn’t make it. Fuck all the bitches who said I wasn’t shit. Shouts to the homies, I’m bringin’ you guys for the ride. Finally, out there for everyone, don’t give up on your dreams. Your fortunes can change, you can be smokin’ weed one day and a millionaire the next.”

Daily Nexus satire columnist Matt Renner is going to start flaunting his drug use outside police stations on the daily.


Note: All “Morning Stack” articles are fictional and purely for the sake of humor. They are not intended to offend or deceive any Daily Nexus readers. We hope you enjoyed today’s stack of satire!

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