Welcome to Isla Vista, home to thousands and land of the free-spirited. People travel far and wide to this beach paradise for vacation, and you get to live here. Yes, there is booze galore, gorgeous people everywhere you turn, late night snacks and breathtaking scenery. But, my dear friends, you can’t have the sweet without the sour — kickass living also attracts some creepy-ass people.

Think of every cheesy, teenage horror film you have seen. Now replace the suburban neighborhood with a small beach town, and voilà, you’re in I.V. on the weekend.

Last Friday started like any other. Residential foundations shook from the deafening amount of bass permeating from every other house party with a DJ — or realistically any house with a computer, speakers and a drunk asshole insistent that he is the next Tiësto — and the amount of sexual tension floating through the air made it hard to breathe.

All seemed well in the land of twentysomethings. The dresses were short, the heels were high; the tank tops and True Religions were plentiful. Yet on the 6500 block of Del Playa Drive lurked a sight so horrifying, it even scared away a family of skunks: a naked, middle-aged, transient woman.

Unknown to the residents, the night terror had her eyes set on the hot tub placed on the rear patio of the residence, no doubt mistaking it for a time machine back to her college days. At approximately 11:19 p.m., the boys in blue responded to a cry for help from a terrified DP-dweller.

Following the resident’s demand for a citizen’s arrest, police cuffed the weary wanderer of the night for trespassing and exposing herself. They said she has been arrested before, and you can bet she will be back.

So, hide yo’ kids, hide yo’ wife, ‘cause she’s sneaking in your backyard and snatching your hot tub … naked.