CSI: Crime Scene Intoxication

Saturday, October 9, 11:59 p.m. — Three cops were departing from a fire scene on the 6700 block of Del Playa when an odd spectacle drew their attention.

A 19-year-old male had become ensnared in the yellow police tape encircling the emergency area. Trapped and confused, the SBCC student managed to envelop his entire body in the yellow web before staggering into the street with 50 feet of police tape trailing behind.

Although the tangled teen insisted that he leave on his own, deputies didn’t think it was likely that he would get too far on his own.

He was transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail where he was housed, pending sobriety and some serious detangling.

Feisty in Fur

Friday, October 15, 11:25 p.m. — Officers were dispatched to the 66-block of Sueno after receiving reports of a 19-year old female in a fur coat throwing bottles in the street.

Upon arriving, they noticed a large amount of broken glass in the road and soon spotted the fur-clad suspect. Cops sat the gaudy gal on the curb and, after she was unable to successfully complete the first half of the ABCs or even tell the deputies where she lived, called in a cop car to transport the bottle-tossing babe.

She seemed docile enough…until she was handcuffed and began to frantically kick, spin and pull until the deputies managed to pin her to the ground.

The custody van finally arrived and the feisty fashionista was led inside. Set on freedom, she began kicking the metal plate separating her from the cops until it bent.

And then the furry fiend successfully smashed out the passenger window with her foot.

Police rushed back to check on the thrasher but barely opened the door before the freedom fighter burst out. Impervious to the dose of pepper spay she received in her eyes, she bolted into a nearby yard. Cops finally caught up with the determined dasher, employed a rip hobble restraining device and threw her back in the van — where she continued to thrash about until she arrived at Cottage Hospital.

In the exam room, the forgetful female said that, while even her bloodied foot felt fine, her eyes were a bit sore — probably because of her mascara.

She was transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail where she was housed, pending sobriety and an improved sense of fashion.

“Come on, baby, light my fire…”

Saturday, October 9, 2:18 a.m. — An 18-year-old male trying again and again to light a chair on fire in the middle of the 66-block of Abrego caught the eye of Isla Vista’s finest.

When deputies contacted the persistent pyro, he pleaded that he was “just trying to see if the chair would light on fire.” Although the would-be torcher said that he wasn’t entirely sure why he was trying to set the furniture aflame, he noted that it would have been fun had it been successful.

He was transported to the Santa Barbara County Jail where he was housed, pending sobriety.