Where’s the Stripper Pole?
Fri. April 2, 1:15 a.m. – An utterly defeated frat boy was found passed out on the bike path on El Colegio late Thursday night by a patrolling CSO.
The CSO woke the inebriated man, who stood up, walked straight toward the closest apartment and walked in. When the officers arrived some minutes later, they found the sloppy squatter sitting in a large, comfy armchair. The disheveled residents were in the corner, scared.
The deputies approached the residents who assured the officers they did not know the drunken fool sitting in their living room.
But when presented with this information, the obtrusive 20-year-old insisted they were in his frat house. And then, as only a frat guy could, he told the officers the others were just mad at him because he was going to take their girls.
The girls, however, were safe for tonight. After failing to point toward home, the deputies arrested the drunk frat boy and transported him to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed, pending sobriety.
The Park Bench Saga
Sat. April 3, 12:45 p.m. – Deputies enjoying a sunny afternoon were forced into action when they passed an unusual sight on Embarcadero Del Mar.
The deputies were walking by a park when they spotted a solitary adult male sprinting around a bench. Upon making a sharp turn, the day-drinker lost his footing and fell on his face.
The officers approached to check on his welfare, but before they could reach him, the grass-stained 26-year-old rolled over to face the bench and shouted, “I’m going to kick your ass.”
When the deputies got closer, they recognized the fallen partier from earlier, when they had issued him a citation for having an open container.
When the officers attempted to help him to his feet, he told them he wasn’t going anywhere and fell back down. The deputies disagreed, however, and dragged him to a patrol car, which drove him to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed, pending sobriety.
Home, Sweet, 109
Sun. April 4, 5:09 a.m. – Deputies responding to an early morning disturbance entered the apartment complex and spotted the perpetrator leaning against the door to Apt. 109.
The officers walked up and asked the man where he lived.
“Right here,” the early morning drunk said.
And where’s here, the officers asked.
“Right here, 109.”
And what’s the address of here?
Hoping for an original answer, the deputies asked the 19-year-old how he’d gotten “here.”
“Right here, 109.”
While the confused youngster may not have known where he came from, the deputies sure knew where he was going: they arrested him and transported him to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed, pending sobriety.