The success of musicals has always been a mystery. Why do some succeed and others fail when they all suck equally hard? I’ll tell you. It’s because everyone wants to bust out in song at some emotional point in their lives. “Glee” and (cringe) “High School Musical” are popular because that’s the shit you wanted to say to people in high school. You know, without being as whiny as Vanessa Hudgens. And sorry, “Sound of Music,” but nobody is THAT afraid of thunderstorms.

Tomorrow’s Forecast: Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens don’t make you feel better. They’re just gay. Try some weed next time, kids. It’ll help you to chill the fuck out.