So the Weatherhuman’s new favorite thing is the staple gun. It’s just so… nifty! It posts stuff up nice and easy without you having to bruise up your fingers pushing dumb tacks into the wall. Instead, press a simple button and BAM! There’s a staple. And not just any old staple. A heavy-duty you-can’t-remove-me-with-your-hands-cuz-I’m-so-badass kind of staple. It also comes in handy when you need somebody to shut the hell up. Which is pretty often. As in always.

Tomorrow’s Forecast: Professors mysteriously start showing up to school with stitches all over their faces. Hm. Maybe they should have known what the fuck they were talking about for once.