So… jealousy sucks. And blows. But not in any of the good ways. It tears your gut apart until you can’t take it anymore and makes you feel like dying. Which is strikingly similar to the stress you’re under with a big paper due tomorrow. Sure, sure the professor tries to give you the prompts a few weeks ahead of time so you don’t do what you know you’re going to do anyway. Then you’re stuck at 3 a.m. the night before D-Day, dodging calls from Mr. Sandman, trying to write some sad excuse for an essay. Goddamn you, computer screen. Why the hell can’t you just do something useful like write my paper for me? Instead, you just sit there and blink. Fucker.

Tomorrow’s Forecast: The paper comes back, and you get an A. Wow, this must really suck for the guy who spent all three weeks. For once, life being unfair helped a Weatherhuman out.