Over the break, after a terribly lame night of untangling Christmas lights or being your parents’ own personal Geek Squad, you may have hunkered down in front of the trusty TV for some much-needed quiet time. Unfortunately for you and me, abso-freaking-lutely nothing happened in television over the break.
Don’t get me wrong, I love those crime shows as much as the next person, but after a marathon of “Bones,” “Law & Order” and three separate versions of “CSI,” every episode starts to look exactly the same. But fear not, dear reader, you will not have to suffer through any more episodes of “Jersey Shore” (unless, of course, orange people are your thing) because the line-up is returning! Hallelujah!
While most of ABC’s shows, except those featuring McSteamy and Dead-But-Not-Dead Locke, return this week along with premieres of old favorites like “Nip/Tuck” and “Big Love,” most of the good shows won’t reappear until later in the month. Next week, in particular, starts off with “House” and “How I Met Your Mother” and culminates in the much-anticipated new season of “24” on Sunday. A round of the classic “Darn It!” drinking game — for you newbies, just drink anytime Keifer curses — is way overdue.
Along with the usual suspects, I thought I’d recommend a few newcomers to get your 2010 TV year off on the right foot.
For starters, anyone who went around screaming, “THIS IS SPARTA!” at random passersby three years ago may want to tune into Starz’s new series “Spartacus: Blood and Sand” on the 22nd to fill their gladiatorial violence and extensive nudity quota. And I’m not just talking female nudity either, ladies.
Anybody who loved “The Wire,” a.k.a. “The Best Show of All Time,” should tune in to “Treme” this April, David Simon’s latest brainchild. This time, he narrows in on New Orleans’ struggling jazz culture post-Katrina.
Sucker for shows set in the past? Try out “Boardwalk Empire,” which plans to bring 1920s Atlantic City to life. With Martin Scorsese behind the camera for the pilot, Steve Buscemi starring and countless sparkly outfits, how could this show go wrong?
If you’re missing “Always Sunny,” you are not alone. But I caught the sneak peek of the cartoon comedy “Archer,” set to replace that timeslot on the network, and it might be just the thing to curl up in your Dick Towel for.
As far as network rivalries go, ABC and Fox seem to be throwing the first punches. ABC’s not-bad-turned-godawful-turned-freaking-awesome breadwinner “Lost” is set to premiere during the future timeslot of Fox’s mainstream dramedy “Glee.” But from a fan’s perspective, do the same people really watch teenage turmoil and crazy time travel? I don’t think so. And the likelihood of ABC’s darling “Modern Family” surviving Fox’s “American Idol” nuke? Slim.
Between the variety of new shows, the immortal old shows and the whining provided by the cancelled shows, the monotony of Winter Break won’t continue. So put on your Fame glasses, guys, ’cause 2010 is looking bright.