Alright, UCSB, it’s time to get your party on. While the true fanatics stuck in their I.V. lines far before the actual start of classes, I’ll share some tips for the slackers. 1) Girls: Bring a pal. Double the stuff, double the fun. I’ve heard there are ‘safety’ benefits, too, but whatever. Just bring your makeout gal. 2) Boys: Lay OFF the cologne. When you walk home at night with the gal pals instead of your own stank, you may thank me. And a little tip for both sides: Bring your pepper spray. If I’m there, you’ll need it.

Tomorrow’s Forecast: The pepper wears off and the ‘human sprays you back. Bring an umbrella, bitch