Look around you; there are basically four kinds of people in the sick spectrum right now. There’s the girl who’s so afraid of catching something that she’s popping vitamins like candy and who’s so lathered up in antibacterial hand gel you can smell her from across the room. Somewhat less cautious are people like me, refusing to get sick by sheer will power and knocking on wood. Next is the guy who won’t blow his nose, who prefers instead to sniffle every six seconds and wipe whatever’s left on the back of his hand. Finally you’ve got the girl who is so sick she can barely stand, and you can in fact see the last five days of sleep stuck in the corner of her eyes.

Tomorrow’s Forecast: The health department realizes recommending students minimize close contact is futile, and issues us biohazard suits instead.