Holy shit, seniors, graduation’s coming up! What are you going to do with your lives once you leave this bubble and enter the real world? I mean, with the economy in the awesome state it’s in, the job search may seem fruitless, but I’ve got your back guys. Thus, I’ll present you with some friendly suggestions. You could join the repo business! Other peoples’ loss is your gain in this fast-paced, high-sleeze industry. Or you could go to grad school. While you may be digging yourself deeper into irreparable debt, at least you won’t have to deal with your problems for another couple years. Finally — and this is probably the best idea of the bunch — you could fake your own death. Who needs taxes or debt collectors when you’re legally deceased? It’s foolproof!

Tomorrow’s forecast: When all else fails, desperate seniors move to Canada and pretend they’ve been there all along. “How ’bout that snow, eh? Pretty cold. Now gimme some o’ that health insurance.”