Reading Igor’s response on how to deal with a “kinkmuffin” (“On S&M and His Boxers,” Daily Nexus, May 11) left me both sorry and slightly scared for the reader. While being experimental can spice up the bedroom and broaden horizons, trying to out-compete a girl whose boundaries are yet to be established can be extremely detrimental to a relationship. Her sexual fetishes could range from playful S&M to something more serious, such as asphyxia (heightened arousal and pleasure from cutting off one’s air supply), vore (arousal and pleasure attained from eating another person or being eaten) or others. All of a sudden, toe licking has turned into nooses and vampire teeth. In addition to being painful or uncomfortable, some fetishes are just plain dangerous. However, even if you survive the “kink off” with all body parts intact, then what happens next? Can you continuously perform sexual acts you are not comfortable with?
Self-expression is vital to a sexual relationship, so it is important to be yourself and not something your partner wants you to be. Keeping an open mind and trying new things can lead to positive experiences, as long as you know the circumstances beforehand. Communicate with your partner what you are and are not comfortable with and, while you’re at it, share some of your own fantasies as well. If they enjoy one type of sexual expression, they are likely open to others.