So, apparently yesterday was the biggest day of midterms this year, as evidenced by the hundreds of people wandering around in swarms every hour or so. This got me thinking: What if everybody actually went to class every day? Then these massive crowds – and filled-to-the-brim lecture halls – would be a daily routine instead of a once-in-a-blue-moon (maybe like twice in a quarter) occurrence. Clearly our school is too packed, and the only reason we can get away with it is that nobody actually goes to class. The system works.

Tomorrow’s forecast: Reduced enrollment? Screw that. Let’s just spend tens of thousands of dollars and countless months on a lecture chair shrinking and sidewalk-widening project!