Editor’s Note: This article and all others included in today’s print and online issue are falsely formed for the sole purpose of the Daily Nexus’ April Fools Issue and do not reflect any form of truth or reality.

Steve Pappas, former candidate for 3rd District supervisor, filed yet another lawsuit yesterday, claiming that his tab at the Old Town Tavern was not only incorrect, but fraudulent.

According to paperwork filed with the Santa Barbara Superior Court, Pappas has alleged that his bartender overcharged him for drinks and incorrectly made several others, rendering such transactions void. Additionally, Pappas has claimed that several of the patrons at the bar — a majority of whom were UCSB students — ordered drinks for him but that the cost of said drinks were eventually added to his tab.

Jake Loch, who spearheaded Pappas’ extraordinarily expensive yet ultimately unsuccessful effort to overturn the November election of Doreen Farr, said that his client’s case against OTT represents a clear case of fraud and that a judge has no choice but order the Goleta bar to reimburse Pappas.

“What we have here is one party, namely OTT, acting without regard for our laws or even our common decency. My client, a respected member of the community, came to OTT looking for a drink, but received naught but contempt,” Loch, who later confirmed that Pappas ordered and consumed 19 drinks, said. “We’re not trying to keep OTT from getting what is rightfully theirs; we’re just trying to uphold the integrity of American capitalism.”

Those present that night — coincidently the same day that Pappas’ case against Farr was thrown out — tell a different story. Adam Miran, who graduated from UCSB three years ago but still lives in Isla Vista, was bartending the night in question.

“Even before I served the guy he was looking glum, despite his remarkably dark tan,” Miran said. “But after drink 10 or so he started getting angry and yelling at me that I was making the drinks incorrectly. ‘It’s two parts tequila, one part triple sec, one part brandy’ he kept yelling at me.”

“I had to tell him at least five times that he had ordered a gin and tonic,” Miran said.

Edward Wagstaff, who was perusing the bar that night, said that he tried to buy Pappas a drink but that the intoxicated Los Olivos native had yelled at him about not being properly registered to buy drinks.

“I didn’t even know who the guy was, he just looked really down so I figured I’d buy him a drink,” Wagstaff said. “But then he started shouting something about Box 12 and how I shouldn’t be allowed to cast a drink order. I told the bartender to get him a glass of water and say it was a vodka tonic. The guy never knew the difference.”

It wasn’t until Pappas climbed onto the bar that Miran was forced to close the tab.

“He got up on the bar and shouted to everyone in a high pitched voice, ‘I am Doreen Farr, queen of the student voters! You are all my loyal constituents, buy me drinks!'” Miran recalled. “He then threw up on himself.”

When asked about Pappas’ drunken remarks, Farr just laughed and dismissed his claims.

“I represent voters from all parts of the district,” she said.