Unrelenting, conniving turds to Steve Pappas for refusing to know when enough is enough. In life, there are winners and losers. Then there are assholes.

Dirt poor, shriveled up turds to all of the university’s budget problems and the taxes on student funds. We know the State is broke, but we’ve also seen Terminator on TV 20 times in the last week, so somewhere there are royalty checks we should be getting a piece of, right?

Fatty toilet-clogging turds to Pardall Road in general. That fence has been wreaking havoc for months and leaving dead businesses and pissed peds in its wake. And handing out tickets for skateboarding through Pardall Tunnel? You’ve really outdone yourselves, officers. Stick to Sands Beach. It’s cold out there…like you.

Filthy, mysteriously pungent turds to the generally slummy state of Isla Vista, the place we call home. And to top it off, stuff keeps going up in flames like that bag of poop on your neighbor’s stoop.

Sunshiny, ocean-loving tulips for the Santa Barbara County Board of Supervisors for making an environmentally friendly decision regarding the Naples development. We love our coastline and if Matt Osgood ruins it, we’ll cry.

Extraordinarily delectable, much-needed tulips for Sweet Alley. We’re all going to be fat and poor when summer comes around, but that fro-yo is so damn delicious that we don’t even care.

Funtabular, super-tastic tulips to the end of everybody’s least favorite quarter full of rain, shortened days, and too many recession-induced hangovers. No good. Sunny days and Floatopia are calling our names.

Free throwing, victorious tulips to the women’s basketball team for going nearly undefeated this season. We might not watch the WNBA, but you girls really know how to get it done. If getting it done means kicking some Big West ass while filling up the ‘Dome with fanatic old people (sorry dads).