Do you ever feel like your intelligence is constantly under assault? Obviously TV is filled with dumb shows and commercials, but there’s one thing I’ve seen recently that’s brain-meltingly inane to such a degree that I actually recoil at the thought of it: those six-hour-power commercials with the ‘roid raging office dude and his hot secretary. It takes the “buy this product and hot girls will totally suck you off under your desk” mentality of the ad industry to a whole new level, while everybody knows that’s a total legend. Guys, remembers: girls are only whores for diamonds — not energy shots or deodorant.

Tomorrow’s forecast: Certain Y-chromosomed Isla Vistans continue to fall into the advertising trap and buy Axe body spray. Who knows though, maybe they’ll find a girl who’s into the whole “middle school boy’s locker room” smell.