Seeing as I’ve been in and out of midterms these past few weeks, I’ve learned something really important: Sleep is overrated. Sure, those biology fascists will tell you that you need like eight hours a night (ridiculous, I know), but I’ve developed a system. Think of it as a diet, but instead of weight loss you get an extra eight hours of “studying” every night. All it requires is bin candy, several cases of Red Bull and a couple of death metal CDs. Side effects may include poor personal hygiene and an envy of the dead.

Tomorrow’s forecast: The FDA rejects my diet program. Bastards.