Fuck this wind. Seriously. It’s hard to bike, it’s hard to skate… it’s even hard to walk. What I need is a kiteboard with wheels. Sure, the learning curve would be pretty steep, but think of all the benefits! I’d be able to get on campus in a flash, just riding the February gusts over all the puny mortals on the ground. I mean it might be a little hard to park it, and getting back would be hellish, but I’m totally doing this shit. Just you wait and see.

Tomorrow’s forecast: Firefighters use a comically oversized spatula to peel me off Storke Tower. Or maybe I’ll just walk.