As UCSB students, we come to accept certain facts of life. For instance, Storke Tower is an eyesore. Try denying that. Also, if you live in I.V. you’re bound to get a copy of the yellow pages every year despite never once opening them. Turns out the “series of tubes” really caught on and sort of obsoleted the oversized yellow doorstop. Anyway, I’ve come up with an elegant solution to both problems: we build a tower of yellow pages in I.V. We’ll start a collection in Anisq’ Oyo’ park and begin production on a tower even taller than Storke! We’ll need a team of engineering students, a couple cases of Red Bull, and a hell of a lot of yellow pages. Why not? The books would just end up in a landfill otherwise.

Tomorrow’s forecast: The Weathertower (just a proposed name…) quickly crumbles when the engineers get frightened off by the hordes of protesters demanding we stop developing on the homeless’ natural habitat.